Is going to therapy a sign of weakness? Understanding trauma and seeking therapy.

By Sav Barnett, LMHP-S, EMDR and Adrienne Loker, LCSW, EMDR, SEP

This post addresses the stigma surrounding mental health and trauma, emphasizing why seeking therapy is a sign of strength, and debunking common misconceptions. Acknowledging the power and utility of making space for emotional and somatic expression through experiential therapy.

Seeking therapy doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re willing to confront the difficult and persistent aspects of our lives and ourselves. It takes a great deal of courage to say, “I want to feel better,” and even more to act on it.

Stigma around mental health and trauma has a long history. For centuries, people saw mental illness as a moral failing or even punishment from a higher power. Folx were put in asylums, often with the intention to hide them rather than help them. Soldiers were labeled as "weak" or "cowardly" rather than traumatized.

As mental health awareness, emotional wellbeing, and trauma have become more of a priority to our society, we are seeing more research, more information, and more resources on these topics. Despite all the hard work to challenge old narratives, stigma continues to stick around.

Stigma shows up in the ways we talk (or don’t talk) about mental health:

• Stigma perpetuated on the self: Individuals internalize negative attitudes about their symptoms, resulting in shame and secrecy that ends up exasperating their symptoms.

• Stigma perpetuated by community: When our support systems believe that going to therapy means you're too weak to handle your own problems.

• Stigma perpetuated by systems: Policies in government and private organizations that limit opportunities for people with mental illness, including reduced funding, access, and research.

Photo taken from a Psychodrama Trauma Therapy training

Beneath these attitudes are fundamental misunderstandings about the human condition:

• "If I go to therapy, it means I've failed. Something is deeply wrong with me if I can't handle my own problems."

  • We don't internalize needing medical help as failing, but the rules feel different for emotional health. Most of us aren't taught how to manage and express our emotions. Instead, we're taught how to repress them and pretend they're not there. When we've exceeded the capacity of our container to store deep emotions, then we find ourselves with a backlog of feelings that we don't know how to begin to unpack.

• "Leave the past is in the past. I don't understand why people feel the need to talk about it to death. Just move on."

  • Actually, the past creates a mental template for future ways of relating to ourselves and to each other. Templates that were created in the years before our language developed will continue to play out in future relationships until they're explored.

• "You just have to stay strong."

  • I assume what's really being said here is, "Don't feel! Continue shoving those emotions down, you're weak if you give in to them!" It's actually taxing on the nervous system to continue to hold big feelings in without discharging them. Over time, this leads to inflammation, anxiety, irritability, insomnia, chronic illness, depression, disordered eating, substance abuse, etc. We either deal with it now directly, or we deal with it in whatever form it shows up as later.

• "You are responsible for the things that happened."

  • Victim blaming is a major factor in the sense of shame people have around mental health. Historically, marginalized communities have often experienced bearing the weight of accountability for the ways in which they've been traumatized. When we internalize faulty responsibility, then we don't believe we're worthy or deserving of help.

• "Stop blaming my mom for everything."

  • We internalize the faults of our caregivers. When they can't take accountability, we take it for them. We feel responsible for things that are not ours to take responsibility for, and yet we end up displacing the responsibility of the things we should be responsible for. True post traumatic growth is not about placing blame, but living in the experience of "both/and". Meaning, it is both true that my mother loves me dearly and did the best she could for me, and her best did not match the needs that I had.

Seeking therapy doesn’t mean you’re broken. It doesn't mean you failed. It doesn't mean you're weak.

It means you’re willing to confront the difficult and persistent aspects of your life and of yourself.

You don't have to hit rock bottom to receive professional support.

The reality is that everyone has “stuff”. Therapy is a tool and does not have to be a last resort. It helps us understand patterns, make connections, and learn new ways of being with ourselves and others.

Making space for your feelings isn’t indulgent. It’s necessary.

Emotional expression is powerful, medicinal, and healing. Especially for those who come from family systems or communities that encourage or require suppression of our natural urge to feel.

Feeling is healing.

Crying in a shared space with a compassionate witness. Visiting with the discomfort of grief. Naming something for the first time. These are the first steps to transcending core beliefs of being “too sensitive” or “too much" and stepping into your own humanness.

I’ve witnessed many clients feel lighter just from having one space where they can show up exactly as they are with no masks and no pressure to perform. That space matters. And once someone experiences it, they come to discover the impact of being witnessed and how this has been absent in their lives. If you’ve been considering reaching out for support, this is your reminder: it’s not too late and you are worth it.

Seeking Depth to Recovery is a trauma therapy practice located in Richmond, VA. We specialize in the treatment of developmental and attachment trauma, which is stored in nonverbal memory - but the symptoms show up behaviorally: disordered eating, anxiety, depression, relationship issues, etc. If you're ready to finally get in the driver's seat of your life, then schedule your initial consult.

Sav Barnett, EMDR is a trauma therapist in Richmond, VA. She specializes in treating PTSD and C-PTSD using Somatic Therapy and EMDR. Adrienne Loker, LCSW is an EMDRIA Certified Therapist, EMDR Consultant, and Somatic Experiencing Therapist. She owns and operates a trauma-sensitive therapy practice, Seeking Depth to Recovery, that specializes in the treatment of complex and non-verbal trauma, using experiential modalities in an intensive format. In as little as one 90-minute intensive therapy session, participants report marked insight into their anxiety, panic, depression, and trauma compared to their previous experience with traditional talk therapy.